Chimberly

You keep throwing me bones But I cannot eat They are hollow The marrow has been sucked out And the blood You took a bath in it And you didn't even know Oh, Giant Oh, Saint You thought it was water And you drank I cannot blame you For there is no blame I cannot tame you For there is no tame Life goes on without my mind My abyss, declined And little children still play outside While I sit In peroxide And try to clean away my sin

Still These waters run deep into the core With its insidious heat There is simply enough water To absorb oscillation I can't take your honor I am a weigh-station The eyes are windows to a locked door In an empty room If you could just stop These buds will not bloom with your incessant taunting Verging on abuse Not with your words or explained ease of use Capillaries flood into a bright enigmatic spring Do not drink from it It will make you sick; It won't mean a thing. Your brain will grow and swell in aneurismic confusion It is a locked door Your intrusion The key is not yours; nor is there a skeleton My closet

Judged by invisible standards Men that can't even look me in the eye Tell me what they want indirectly Without discretion Through serpent tongues And fat, boisterous laughing men that hate Look me in the eye, my immortal keeper Is there something in me that you didn't mean to give? A look of understanding, of grief for you Tell me that you want me to burn Tell me how you want the flames to lick my skin clean of glittery sin I fear you as much as I fear myself I fear you as much as you fear all of us

With no heart on your sleeve Or in your head Or in your mouth When you speak Teach me Greek Hieroglyphics Decode your heartbeats I need them in my atmosphere I walk like a shadow Into the mist Fog I walk like an Egyptian To  the slaughterhouse Pharaoh, Help me understand Put your heart in my heart, in my hands I want to crush it Drain it into the river Like Moses A new life

My shadow proceeds me I am gone before I even arrive You may see a faint outline, an overcast depiction of my feelings, my flesh, my bone Gray matter that doesn't The glasses will clink and someone will spill wine, and gasp as if it is laced with turpentine On the carpet I will clean it up, wrought my hands with the blood of the grapes It is no longer there And I never was

The ground Is a firm pillow The sun rays turn my icy skin to gold And I wait by the willow For an outstretched hand to hold Intricate vessels, these veins I sit and watch the blood careen Inside a train It moves about the city scene The horizon is still with the slant of the hill And I choke on the air that propels the whole thing I hear a bird begin to sing "You're just a girl. You don't need to believe." I drop to the ground and I smell the sweet grass I drop to the ground and I'm fading fast This is all there ever was and this is all there will ever be It Is silence and air and grass evergreen I was too foolish to see tha

We're on two different levels and I can't swing across My arms are too short But that makes them strong

There is a well inside my body I have covered it with rock Sheets of granite And indifference Marble and melancholy I am slate I am gray The waters are boiling And blistering the sides Erosion or explosion Will take its place in time It will surge and it will swell And though it feels like softcore Hell I will miss my well

I need to say something But my throat tightens Muscles caving in Tongue tight on the roof Of the home of my words I've nothing to say Just a flickering thought in a brain in a cave. I thought I'd write and ask you to visit some day. To fall through the clouds and appear in the mines Of my mind But you changed your address And I'm happy you're at home